Tag Archives: David Hasselhoff

Episode 133: Baywatch – Bash At The Beach

Beach Ball Mania is running wild! This week we hit the waves and wrestle with issues like excessive sun exposure, Rick Flair taking beach front property from a bunch of meat heads, and properly applying sunblock. We watched Season 6 Episode 15 of Baywatch entitled “Bash At The Beach,” starring the superstars of WCW (circa 1996). We get off with the Hoff in a post Wrestlemania ultimate thrill ride. You can watch this episode of Baywatch in full right here.

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Episode 31: Baywatch Nights (S2x 09 – Night Whispers)

Picture 2Get ready for hookers, softcore porn music and a sexy lady vampire. Is this the latest offering from Skin-emax’s ‘After Dark’ lineup? Nope, it’s a second season episode of 1996’s X-Files rip-off, Baywatch Nights! This sobering warning against the dangers of nighttime jogging has The Hoff and his gang on the trail of a hilariously obvious vampire seductress. One would think this murder case would be high on the LAPD’s priority list, but the local department is packing up and leaving town, inexplicably deferring to lifeguard/P.I. Mitch at every turn. And just when we think no fewer fucks can be given, Mitch’s own “paranormal expert” Diamont Teague dips out for no reason whatsoever, leaving Mitch to now play Moses and lead his people, some hookers and the two remaining cops out of a police station that suddenly turns into an abandoned warehouse. On this harrowing journey, we discover Mitch may have a past life connection to this creature of the night, only to have our expectations dashed when Hoff uses his manly powers of seduction to tease his tryst into rage in which she ends up staking herself. It’s a good thing the cops all left town, or Mitch and Ryan would’ve had a hell of a lot of dead bodies to explain. Bulimic vampires, FTW. (Episode available here, in case you haven’t watched yet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8WB09lEL2Q)

Download Episode 31: Baywatch Nights (S2x09 – Night Whispers)

Next week we’re break dancing back to 1984 for the infamous Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo. We’re both immensely excited to be watching a movie so disdained that its subtitle has become a pejorative for every awful sequel since! When some break dancing street “kids” find out their community center/dance theater/boxing gym is going to be torn down unless they can raise $200,000 to get it up to code, they get to work doing the only thing they know: dancing all over the fucking place. All the time. For no reason. Ever. (Much like the highly anticipated return of Arrested Development, this fine film is available for streaming on Netflix.)

Remember every movie we watch is available for streaming on Netflix or YouTube! [Unless we say otherwise]

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Episode 12: Baywatch Nights: Frozen Out Of Time (S2x13)

Picture 3And we are BACK! After fighting our way through the Mayan Zombie Alien Apocalypse, we are here with our first episode of 2013! Though the immediate danger of the Mayans has passed, the darkness that spawned them remains. In this uncertain time, we can only count on ONE MAN to shine a light into these shadows; ONE MAN who is not afraid to face the armies of the night, the stuff of nightmares and the boogity-boogity. And that man is… DAVID HASSELHOFF.

This week we delve into one of the best unknown gems of the 90s, Baywatch Nights, where lifeguard Mitch Buchannon moonlights as a private eye-turned paranormal investigator with the help of some very silly friends. In this episode (Season 2: Episode 13 on YouTube), it’s up to The Hoff to help wrangle up some unfrozen medieval Vikings (who act like retarded cavemen) with the help of a lifeguard buddy and a nerf gun. If you’re into useless filler, endless slow-mo shots of Vikings running, and Mitch sharing his apparently extensive knowledge of Viking history and culture, then this one’s for you. The amazing thing about this show is that all it needs is to be trimmed down to 15 minutes and it would fit into Adult Swim’s lineup seamlessly. I mean really, any show that ends in an archery display and manly tear from Hoff is all kinds of amazing. VALHALLA!!!

Download mp3 – Episode 12: Baywatch Nights: Frozen Out Of Time (S2x13)

Next week the lingering darkness takes on a different form, as we have learned that, in fact, the Nazis were not only occultists, but man-eating werewolves. Taking on this menace is none other than the New Dealer himself – Franklin Delano Roosevelt. 2012’s direct-to-video release of FDR: American Badass should thrill audiences of all ages – and anybody disappointed by the serious lack of ridiculousness in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. We really can’t do this movie justice with words – check out the trailer and get excited. Not even the polio can stop this killing machine.

Remember almost every movie we watch is available for streaming on Netflix or YouTube! (This week is YouTube only)

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Have a suggestion for a movie? Have thoughts on the movie of the week or past movie? Go to our Contact Us page for our e-mail, Twitter, & Facebook.

Theme provided by Jonathan Mann.