Sorry we’re a day late this week – mama got sick in Biloxi. That and our time machine broke down on our way back from 1993 where we watched Jean-Claude Van Damme and John Woo’s American film debut: Hard Target. Cajun hobo/vigilante ex-Merchant Marine Van Damme decides to help Yancy Butler find and avenge her father in exchange for the $217 he needs to buy his way back into the Seaman’s Union. (No, really.) Unfortunately, they run afoul of Lance Henriksen and Arnold Vosloo’s multi-million dollar hobo hunting industry and are forced to fight for their lives, but an army of highly trained, heavily armed goons is no match for Van Damme’s endless supply of bullets and roundhouse kicks! And because that wasn’t enough, backing up the Van Damminator are hillbilly moonshiner Wilford Brimley and a burnt out cop with an equally burnt out desk drawer! Lance Henriksen’s give no fucks, take no prisoners cartoon villainy leads to brazen gun fights across the Big Easy, before ending in a swamp’s warehouse where JCVD punches out a snake, befriends a pigeon and drops a grenade down a guy’s pants. They don’t make ‘em like this anymore, but we’ll take Van Damme’s hokey acting and massive body count over the PG pussy shit they’re churning out now any day. Now tell that bitch girlfriend of yours to point her titties north and bring us the head of Lance Henriksen!
Next week we’ll be watching a cult classic that I’ve never seen, 1983’s silly slasher flick Sleepaway Camp. Piggybacking off the popularity of Friday the 13th, this film takes place at a summer camp where guests are getting knocked off by a mysterious murderer. I know there’s a twist, but don’t ruin it for me any further. I can’t wait to experience Angela for the first time… This movie is available in full on Youtube, and you can find it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePkcsSvnu0I
Remember every movie we watch is available for streaming on Netflix or YouTube! [Unless we say otherwise]
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