Well, to anybody that watched 1985’s The Rape of Richard Beck – we’re sorry. Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes the bear gives you shit dick. To call Richard Beck insensitive would be a massive understatement. A hardened homicide detective who acts like a TV cop and believes rape victims deserve their abuse, Beck’s callous release of a rape suspect ironically gets him reassigned to Seattle’s sex crimes division. Still not giving the slightest hint of a fuck, he thoughtlessly drags a naked rape victim out of a phone booth in front of a crowd of strangers because, you know, suckas gots to make some calls. Beck’s days of playing fast and loose with the rules finally come to an end when two violent thugs decide to play fast and loose with his rectum. With both his sphincter and his life now in pieces, Beck finally sees the light and starts to treat rape victims as human beings, leaving us with a questionable message: Since Beck’s rape made him change for the better, was this rape actually GOOD? Much like the film itself, no, it was not. Also I just realized – Detective Richard Beck can be abbreviated Dick Dick Beck! Now there’s a playground game NOBODY should play.
Next week we’re deviating from our normal selection pattern to watch 1997’s Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie. This isn’t on Netflix or Youtube, though cheap rentals and purchases can be made through Amazon for $3-$5. Sorry for the switch, but we’ve been revisiting Power Rangers from the beginning sans the nostalgia goggles, and we’re to the point where we need to watch this masterpiece now. Also, joining us next week should (hopefully) be a guest star. This second film in the Power Rangers series makes itself accessible for new viewers by taking the previous 205 episodes of continuity and basically wiping its ass with them, so everybody can dive right in. Turbo makes excellent use of its impressive $8 million budget by giving us a new villainess for no reason, a kid taking over as the Blue Ranger for even less reason, a fleet of new car Zords that would never make it across the sea to the magical island where the bad guys are and the worst Megazord fight in PR history. Get ready for cheesy, low-rent sci-fi “fun” of the highest caliber, and Viva la Diva!
Remember this week’s movie IS NOT available on Netflix or YouTube. Sorry for the inconvenience, but you gotta find this one on your own.
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